BEAVERTON, Ore. (May 08, 2013) – NIKE, Inc. announced today that scientists have successfully bred a Nike trainer with a Cole Haan saddle shoe.
"We are very pleased with the recent advances in our shoe breeding program. This rewrites everything we thought we knew about the evolution of shoes," said Tinker Moreau, Director of Nike's Skunkworks Breeding Program.
Designers said it couldn't be done, but in Nike's advanced breeding laboratories, scientists ultimately discovered the right combination of mood lighting, Jagermeister, and Barry White to produce the new kicks.
"Whether this hybrid species can survive and reproduce in the wild remains to be seen," said Dr. Moreau, "but now that we know it can be done, we are working furiously to replicate and extend this remarkable achievement."
Unfortunately for these scientists, the Company has also just completed its sale of Cole Haan. Just as the opportunities for crossbreeding dress shoes and trainers were opening up, the corporate synergies were closing down.